Behind the Wheel of Your Emotions

Learning to navigate your inner world with greater awareness, control, and ease

Written by: Michael Tighe, PsyD Student

To be human is to feel all emotions, but that doesn’t mean we feel each one equally. If how you experience your emotions throughout the day were as evident as how you drive your car, what kind of driver would you be?

While we’d all like to make the most of expensive gas by pressing just enough on the pedal to comfortably reach our destination, a variety of factors can pull us away from this ideal balance.

For some, staying fluid with their emotions is difficult. They may start moving forward, only to slam on the brakes, repeatedly interrupting their momentum and losing sight of where they’re headed. In therapy, this can show up when someone begins to speak from an emotional place, then quickly second-guesses themselves, where they may turn to empathy for the other position or shift into logic instead of finishing the expression of their feeling. While this jolting pattern may function to regulate their overall speed, it can be hard to follow, hard to predict, and difficult for the driver to feel confident in what they’re doing.

Others struggle to stay connected to their emotions until self-neglect builds to a point where their needs demand immediate attention. These drivers may appear erratic, racing from light to light and braking intensely, trying to get where they’re going as quickly as possible, only to feel disappointed when their reward doesn’t match the buildup. Because they go without for so long, not attending to themselves or filling their own cup, they can lose touch with the small, incremental ways they can care for themselves. This can leave them consistently feeling pushed to extremes just to feel satisfied.

Of course, there is also the occasional driver who is reliably vocal in their criticism of others’ driving habits. These drivers are rarely satisfied with those around them and are not especially interested in a debate. While they may appear to be fuelled primarily by anger, beneath this tough exterior is often a difficulty in recognizing how many of these criticisms began with themselves. Over time, this critical pattern can become so ingrained that it’s hard for them to stay aware of how they truly feel about themselves. This can lead them to project these judgments outward onto others as a way of finding brief moments of relief, much like a release valve prevents pressure from building too high.

There are a lot of different drivers out there. Those who become comfortable on the road and the way they drive tend to be smooth operators. Like the ideally balanced “Wise Mind” celebrated in DBT, these drivers are agile in the driver’s seat, moving fast and slow when they need to, and are generally pretty comfortable with the road, to the extent that they’re able to use the time to reflect, talk to others, and enjoy the journey.

No matter what kind of driver you are, and how that may shift depending on the weather, traffic, or the season of life you’re driving through, we’re here to help. At the Centre for MindBody Health in Toronto, we work with you to develop a more balanced relationship with your emotions. We can help you become a master of the road, driving with confidence and ease so you can enjoy the journey.