Using Your Emotions to Strengthen the Hull and Raise the Sail of Your Life

Written by: Michael Tighe, PsyD Student

Typically, when people feel they would benefit from therapy, they’re noticing that something feels off-balance. They describe feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, disconnected, anxious, stuck, or as though they have too much on their shoulders. They may not know exactly what’s wrong, but they know they don’t quite feel at home within themselves.

From an Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) perspective, these experiences are often less about something being wrong with us and more about something important within us trying to get our attention. EFT is grounded in a humanistic-existential philosophy that views emotions as an adaptive navigation system, much like the dashboard of your car, helping us identify what matters, what feels threatened, and what may require our attention.

One of the psychologists whose work has had a profound influence on Humanistic Psychology was Abraham Maslow. His theory of human needs eventually became popularized as Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs in the form of a pyramid, suggesting we progress through life by satisfying one need before moving on to the next. But life isn’t always so linear.

In Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization, Dr. Scott Kaufman revisits Maslow’s theory of needs to correct what was initially popularized as a pyramid by a management consultant in the sixties. In his book, Kaufman argues that a better analogy encapsulating more of the intended nuance of Maslow’s Theory of Needs would be better illustrated by a sailboat to illustrate the reciprocal relationship between what Maslow described as our deficiency and growth needs (Kaufman, 2020).

The hull of the sailboat represents what Maslow coined as deficiency needs: the foundational needs that help us feel secure enough to navigate life, including safety, connection, and self-esteem (Kaufman, 2020). When these needs feel threatened, much of our energy becomes naturally organized around restoring them. When this occurs, we become preoccupied with questions like: Am I safe? Can I trust others? Do I belong? Am I enough?

Not surprisingly, our emotional lives often become characterized by fear, anxiety, shame, loneliness, uncertainty, insecurity, or overwhelm. From an EFT perspective, these emotions aren’t evidence that something is wrong with us. More often, they’re pointing us toward the part of our hull that requires attention.

The more consistently we experience and establish safety, secure relationships, and confidence in ourselves, the stronger the hull of our sailboat becomes. While a strong hull doesn’t prevent storms from arriving, it does allow us to trust that we can weather them without constantly fearing we’ll sink.

What’s exciting about Kaufman’s sailboat metaphor is that it uncovers some of the inherent wisdom in Maslow’s original theory not previously captured by the Pyramid. The sailboat makes it clear that we don’t eventually outgrow these deficiency needs of safety, connection, or self-esteem. Rather, when these needs become sufficiently secure, they gradually shift from being ongoing concerns that consume our attention to becoming a dependable foundation that supports our growth (Kaufman, 2020). In other words, when our deficiency needs are sufficiently satisfied and maintained, it becomes a secure base we can rely on. We naturally shift our attention from protecting our hull to casting our sail, where we can devote our energy to our growth needs.

Drawing from what Maslow described as Being Psychology, Kaufman argues that our growth needs, encapsulated in the sail of our boat, are organized around exploration, love, and purpose (Kaufman, 2020). While the hull keeps us afloat, the sail determines our capacity to move towards the things that matter to us in our lives. The stronger our foundation becomes, the more freedom we have to raise our sail. And as we pursue exploration, love, and purpose, we continue strengthening the very foundation that allows us to navigate life’s inevitable storms.

If you were to take a moment right now to reflect on your life, what words would you use to describe it? Enriching, overwhelming, meaningful, deprived, engaging, uncertain, creative, exhausting, connected, purposeful, or focused primarily on getting through the day?

To help answer that question, the following thirteen sources of well-being, documented below, have been rigorously studied over the past forty years (Kaufman, 2020). As you read through the areas below, consider which feel well-developed in your life, which feel neglected, and what feels ripe for exploration.

• More positive emotions, fewer negative emotions
• Life satisfaction
• Vitality and energy
• Positive relationships
• Self-acceptance
• Autonomy
• Mastery and competence
• Personal growth
• Engagement in life
• Purpose and meaning
• Experiences of awe, gratitude, inspiration, and wonder

Regardless of the current state of your sailboat, therapy can help you better understand what your emotions are trying to tell you. Sometimes that means strengthening the hull by addressing threats to your sense of safety, connection, or self-worth. Other times, it means helping you raise your sail by reconnecting with exploration, love, and purpose. Either way, the Centre for MindBody Health is here for you to help you become the best sailor you can be, to help you make the most of your journey.

Further Reading

Kaufman, S. B. (2020). Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization. TarcherPerigee.