The Inevitable Nuance Involved in Trusting Our Emotions

Rebuilding Trust in Emotions Without Being Ruled by Them

Written by: Michael Tighe, PsyD Student

A common heuristic in psychology is the idea that forming new habits is like building a muscle. Despite how non-linear this process may be, progress builds over time with consistent dedication and effort. Learning to trust our emotions as a guide for how we live our lives follows a similar path.

When we’re small, emotions are all we seem to have. When they come upon us, they tend to arrive immediately, intensely, and without a filter. During this developmental period, we rely on caregivers to help us regulate what we feel, make sense of our emotional experiences, and not be intimidated by them. In this way, our caregivers literally build our more logical, rational, executive functioning side. They help us assess whether we, in fact, do hate pizza or if our conclusion has more to do with being overtired, overstimulated, or simply not hungry in that moment. Through this process, they help us develop perspective, the ability to step back and see the bigger picture without losing contact with ourselves.

When this balance is not modelled well, one can drift toward either end of the emotional spectrum. On one end, emotions can be treated as objective truth, leading to impulsive, reactive decision-making, where it becomes difficult to slow down or consider other perspectives. Alternatively, one can become so increasingly disconnected from their internal experience that they feel incapable of knowing what they want, what matters to them, and struggle to trust their own capacity to make important decisions.

Regardless of the emotional template modelled for us, life can be challenging and we can lose this balance when challenges persist for long periods of time. When we are repeatedly forced to set aside our needs out of necessity, it becomes harder to maintain a connection with them. Over time, this muscle we rely on to accurately interpret what we are feeling, separate from the physiological and contextual factors impacting our experience, begins to atrophy. Without this awareness of how exhaustion, stress, chronic sleep deprivation, dehydration, burnout, or overstimulation influence how we feel, what we feel, and why we feel it, emotions can feel confusing, overwhelming, or misaligned. As a result, this pattern of pushing our emotional needs down begins to reinforce the belief that emotions are unmanageable, unpredictable, and must be contained in order to function. At the same time, it becomes harder to understand what is missing, what needs attention, and what might be worth moving toward to regain that connection.

When this balance is modelled well, we learn how to stay connected to our emotions without being overtaken by them. We’re able to live more holistically and authentically, making decisions we’re proud of, regardless of the outcome, because we know we did the best we could with what we knew at that time. Over time, this balance helps us move beyond our daily experience of discomfort and inconsistent motivation to eventually uncover what we really want. In doing so, it helps us progressively build the capacity to act in alignment with our values, even when we don’t feel like it.

At Centre for MindBody Health (CMBH), helping clients move from surviving to thriving is central to our work. Part of that process involves supporting our clients in tuning into what their emotional experiences are telling them, identifying the obstacles that get in the way of this process, and helping them regain this balance so they can get back to living with intention, holistically and presently. If you are curious about building a more trusting relationship with your emotions, reach us anytime; we would be honoured to support you in that work.