Deciding whether or when to come out can feel overwhelming, but small steps and careful reflection can help you navigate this choice with confidence.
Preparing to Come Out
Preparation can ease anxiety and increase your sense of control. Consider these steps:
- Check your sense of safety: Reflect on whether it feels emotionally and physically safe:
- Test the waters: Gently explore how loved ones or people around you talk about 2SLGBTQIA+ topics to gauge possible reactions.
- Weigh pros and cons:Consider the immediate outcomes of coming out now versus waiting, and whether you have support if things don’t go as planned.
- Seek support and resources: Connect with community organizations like the 519, Sherbourne Health, and Friends of Ruby for support and community programs in Toronto OR search LGBT Youthline’s database for Ontario-based resources for 2SLGBTQ+ youth.
- Choose your method: You might write a letter, send a message, call, or talk in person.
- Plan timing (time of day and year) and location: Consider times and settings where you and your listener feel at ease.
- Practice: Rehearsing with someone can help clarify what you want to express.
During the Conversation
When you feel ready:
- Use “I” statements: For example, “I have been thinking about this part of myself.”
- State your needs: Let others know if you’d like them to simply listen or ask questions.
- Expect varied reactions: Some people adjust quickly. Others may need time.
- Aftercare: Allow yourself time to process, rest, and reflect.
If You’re Not Ready or Decide Not To
You may feel pressure to be “fully out,” but waiting does not mean you’re being untrue to who you are. It means you’re considering your circumstances carefully.
If you choose not to come out:
- Acknowledge your feelings as it is normal to feel mixed emotions while keeping your identity private. Be gentle with yourself as you decide what feels right.
- Explore authenticity in private ways through pride flag colours/identity accessories, community groups, or affirming therapy.
- Seek support by talking with a trusted friends or counsellors
Whether you share your identity with many, a few, or no one at all, coming out is a personal journey with no timeline. Honouring what feels right to you is part of living authentically. If you would like support while considering your options, reach out!
References
McMaster University Student Wellness Centre. (2024, June 10). Advice for coming out and navigating family dynamics. Student Wellness Centre. https://wellness.mcmaster.ca/advice-for-coming-out-and-navigating-family-dynamics/
The Trevor Project. (n.d.). The coming out handbook. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/guide/the-coming-out-handbook/
